David enters the maze for some psychic heroics on a superb Legion

David enters the maze for some psychic heroics on a superb Legion The frustrating thing about illness is never knowing when you’re going to get hit with it. Sure, you don’t want to be around someone coughing and feverish, and it’s best to wash your hands before eating, but there’s only so much you can do to prevent infection. So how much worse is it to become the architect of your…Read more... Full Story
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New Girl’s three men and a little lady deliver a lot of story

New Girl's three men and a little lady deliver a lot of story “You get one story. Take it away, Nick.”There’s a lot going on under the surface in “Tuesday Meeting.” Last week, New Girl’s seventh and final season opened with a heartening sense of achievement and expansion for this ever-widening group of friends: of a broader world they’re exploring, of careers thriving, and of a…Read more... Full Story
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Death and darkness accompany another colossal failure by Team Flash

Death and darkness accompany another colossal failure by Team Flash All season long, The Flash has been trying to pull off a tricky balancing act by bringing back the humor and Silver Age fun of the first season while still delivering a dark and dramatic Big Bad arc. Never have the seams shown so badly as they do in “Lose Yourself,” an episode that could be diagnosed with split…Read more... Full Story
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Black Lightning closes out a strong debut season with a perfect, stirring finale

Black Lightning closes out a strong debut season with a perfect, stirring finale It’s appropriate that Black Lightning, a show that probes how the weight of history is felt across generations, and the way it manifests itself in oppression and violence, begins with a flashback. “Shadow Of Death: The Book Of War” starts with Gambi and Alvin Pierce, Jefferson’s father, having it out on the street.…Read more... Full Story
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Alex Jones Pleads With Sandy Hook Parents To Imagine Pain An Expensive Lawsuit Would Cause Him

Alex Jones Pleads With Sandy Hook Parents To Imagine Pain An Expensive Lawsuit Would Cause Him AUSTIN, TX—In response to multiple families suing him for defamation over his claims that the 2012 shooting was a hoax, InfoWars host Alex Jones plead with Sandy Hook parents Tuesday to imagine the enormous pain that such an expensive lawsuit would cause him. “Please, I’m begging you—have a heart and think about the…Read more... Full Story
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Hannity Claims Relationship With Cohen Never Went Past Payment For Legal Advice, Defense Strategy In Criminal Cases

Hannity Claims Relationship With Cohen Never Went Past Payment For Legal Advice, Defense Strategy In Criminal Cases NEW YORK—Saying that any past interactions he’d had with the attorney were completely informal, Fox News television host Sean Hannity told reporters Tuesday that his relationship with Michael Cohen never went beyond paying him for legal advice and discussing criminal defense strategies. “Mr. Cohen is no more than an…Read more... Full Story
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Controversial Theory Suggests Aliens May Have Built Ancient Egypt’s Intergalactic Spaceport

Controversial Theory Suggests Aliens May Have Built Ancient Egypt’s Intergalactic Spaceport CAIRO—Claiming that one of the world’s most famous and iconic historic structures couldn’t have been constructed using the resources available at the time, proponents of a controversial new theory suggested this week that aliens may have built Egypt’s ancient intergalactic spaceport. “Archaeologists say the Great…Read more... Full Story
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I May Not Agree With Everything Trump Says, But It’s My Duty As An American To Repeat All Of His Talking Points Basically Verbatim

I May Not Agree With Everything Trump Says, But It’s My Duty As An American To Repeat All Of His Talking Points Basically Verbatim As a conservative voter, there are parts of Trump’s agenda that I agree with and other actions he’s taken that I find troubling or simply bizarre. However, as a patriotic American it’s my duty to memorize Trump’s talking points, ignore my own misgivings, and defend the president by quoting him essentially verbatim.Read more... Full Story
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Step Right Up And Feast Your Eyes On The Unfathomable Comey, The Man Who Is Both Good And Bad! The Beautiful Monster Who Makes Resisters’ Minds Spin! Betrayer Of Hillary! Enemy Of Trump! Behold This Freak Of Nature!

Step Right Up And Feast Your Eyes On The Unfathomable Comey, The Man Who Is Both Good And Bad! The Beautiful Monster Who Makes Resisters’ Minds Spin! Betrayer Of Hillary! Enemy Of Trump! Behold This Freak Of Nature! Ladies and gentleman of the #Resistance, what you are about to witness is a sight so strange, so confounding to the mind, so utterly freakish, that we urge all those faint of heart to look away from this ghastly exhibition at once. Behold! It is Comey! The FBI Man who is both Good and Bad!Read more... Full…
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Man Fears He May Never Trust Again After Treasured Picture Of Duck Turns Out To Be Rabbit 

Man Fears He May Never Trust Again After Treasured Picture Of Duck Turns Out To Be Rabbit  NAMPA, ID—Overcome by a sense of shame and betrayal upon realizing his life has been based on a lie, Allen Shearer told reporters Tuesday that he might never trust again upon realizing that his treasured line drawing of a duck has actually been a rabbit all along. “My duck! No! What happened? How could I not see? How…Read more... Full Story
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Barbara Bush Death Hoax

Barbara Bush Death Hoax The former First Lady was the subject of two stories reporting her death not long after announcements appeared that she was in failing health; one was a mistake, the other deliberate. Full Story
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A darker and more violent second season of Westworld unearths better mysteries

A darker and more violent second season of Westworld unearths better mysteries Dorm-room philosophizing gets a bad rap. The phrase has become shorthand for lazy, facile thought experiments, but in truth, having long and searching conversations with friends about the big questions in life is often a lot of fun, even when you don’t possess the knowledge to go terribly deep on a subject. (Some…Read more... Full Story
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A darker and more violent second season of Westworld unearths better mysteries

A darker and more violent second season of Westworld unearths better mysteries Dorm-room philosophizing gets a bad rap. The phrase has become shorthand for lazy, facile thought experiments, but in truth, having long and searching conversations with friends about the big questions in life is often a lot of fun, even when you don’t possess the knowledge to go terribly deep on a subject. (Some…Read more... Full Story
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Married comics Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher double-team love in The Honeymoon Stand Up Special

Married comics Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher double-team love in The Honeymoon Stand Up Special While the execution of its undeniably original concept is solid, the idea of The Honeymoon Stand Up Special ultimately promises more than it delivers. The unique, three-part special from (fairly) recently wed comics and Another Period co-stars Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher comes at the audience in three segments.…Read more... Full Story
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Married comics Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher double-team love in The Honeymoon Stand Up Special

Married comics Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher double-team love in The Honeymoon Stand Up Special While the execution of its undeniably original concept is solid, the idea of The Honeymoon Stand Up Special ultimately promises more than it delivers. The unique, three-part special from (fairly) recently wed comics and Another Period co-stars Natasha Leggero and Moshe Kasher comes at the audience in three segments.…Read more... Full Story
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‘All The Paper Sales On The Office Were Real And I’d Be Homeless Without The Commissions I Got From Those’: 5 Questions With John Krasinski

‘All The Paper Sales On The Office Were Real And I’d Be Homeless Without The Commissions I Got From Those’: 5 Questions With John Krasinski Though he’ll probably always be most fondly remembered for his role as Jim Halpert on The Office, John Krasinski has recently proven that he’s as comfortable behind the camera as he is shrugging into it. His latest film, A Quiet Place, has been a surprise smash hit, and earned Krasinski some well-deserved credibility…Read more... Full Story
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Biggest Revelations From James Comey’s New Book

Biggest Revelations From James Comey’s New Book A new book by former FBI director James Comey, A Higher Loyalty: Truth, Lies, And Leadership, promises to offer an inside look at his time in federal law enforcement, as well as his controversial role in the 2016 presidential election. Here are the biggest revelations from Comey’s autobiography.Read more... Full Story
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Michael Jordan Attacks Softness, Lack Of Competitiveness In Modern Blackjack Players

Michael Jordan Attacks Softness, Lack Of Competitiveness In Modern Blackjack Players LAS VEGAS—Guaranteeing they couldn’t “hack it” back in the ’80s and ’90s, former NBA star Michael Jordan spoke out Tuesday blasting the weakness and lack of drive in modern blackjack players. “These soft and coddled blackjack players today, who come into the Bellagio and stand on a jack and a five, they could never…Read more... Full Story
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New Evidence Suggests First Gallows Created As Early Attempt At Autoerotic Asphyxiation

New Evidence Suggests First Gallows Created As Early Attempt At Autoerotic Asphyxiation BALTIMORE—In an announcement that sheds new light on the history of an apparatus traditionally regarded as execution equipment, researchers at Johns Hopkins University presented new evidence Tuesday suggesting the first gallows were created as an early aid to autoerotic asphyxiation. “Our findings indicate that the…Read more... Full Story
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Vincent D’Onofrio gets first full night of sleep in 31 years

Vincent D’Onofrio gets first full night of sleep in 31 years GRAMERCY PARK, New York — After the recent passing of actor and military icon R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket co-star Vincent D’Onofrio has announced that he actually slept for eight continuous hours, a feat he has not achieved since filming with him in 1987. D’Onofrio, famous for playing the pathetic Marine recruit nicknamed Private […] Full Story
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In “The Angel Of San Bernardino,” Lucifer fully embraces its DevilCop roots

In “The Angel Of San Bernardino,” Lucifer fully embraces its DevilCop roots I’ve said it before, I’ll most likely say it again: Despite its classification as a procedural, that aspect of the show is the thing Lucifer cares least about. That’s technically a good thing, as the show’s more concerned with character development and interactions—as well as arcs and mythology—than the whole cop show…Read more... Full Story
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President Trump’s claim that James B. Comey ‘lied in Congress to Senator G’

President Trump’s claim that James B. Comey ‘lied in Congress to Senator G’ Comey “lied in Congress to Senator G” — President Trump, in a tweet, April 16, 2018 In his continuing attacks on former FBI director James B. Comey — whom Trump fired in May 2017 — the president has a long list of complaints. We have previously examined his claim that Comey illegally leaked classified information, […] Full Story
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iZombie’s pick-up artist brain falls flat 

iZombie's pick-up artist brain falls flat  After a string of strong episodes, this is the first time in season four iZombie feels like it falls a bit flat. Part of this is due to the brain of the week—which is uninspired at best—but the rest lies solely in the hands of the weird place the show finds itself in regards to Fillmore Graves. Add in awkward…Read more... Full Story
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UnREAL needs to make up its damn mind about Quinn

UnREAL needs to make up its damn mind about Quinn The Peabody Awards came out this week, and no big surprise, 2016 winner UnREAL was not in the list of nominees. Two years ago, the Peabodies described the show as “a spot-on, behind-the-scenes send-up of ersatz ‘reality’ shows like The Bachelor, UnREAL makes viewers care about venal producers and petty contestants…Read more... Full Story
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A rough beast slouches towards The Terror, giving birth to a gripping, moving episode

A rough beast slouches towards The Terror, giving birth to a gripping, moving episode Lady Silence isn’t silent anymore. Nor is she screwing around. “You don’t want to live,” the Netsilik Inuit woman shouts at Captain Francis Crozier, commander of the increasingly desperate expedition at the heart of The Terror. “Look at you.” Sure, why not: Rheumy-eyed and ruddy-faced, visibly drunk even at his…Read more... Full Story
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Supergirl returns from hiatus to give us Laurie Metcalf yelling at a flying monkey

Supergirl returns from hiatus to give us Laurie Metcalf yelling at a flying monkey Between the big Arrowverse crossover episode, its normal winter hiatus, and its more abnormal late winter hiatus, Supergirl has had a bit of a wonky third season. To its credit, the show has maintained a palpable sense of forward momentum and a pretty solid season-long arc—perhaps its most solid one yet, in fact.…Read more... Full Story
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Paul Ryan Misleads on Corporate Tax Revenues

Paul Ryan Misleads on Corporate Tax Revenues House Speaker Paul Ryan misleadingly claimed that corporate tax revenues are “still rising,” even though the 2017 tax law cut tax rates. In the first six months of fiscal year 2018, corporate tax receipts have declined by 22.3 percent from a year ago. Revenues are also projected to be less over the next 10 years than they otherwise would have been because of the law. Ryan, who recently announced he is leaving Congress in January 2019, discussed his legacy as speaker during an appearance on NBC’s “Meet the…
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Dog sentenced to two months in county pound for having ‘Hitler mustache’

Dog sentenced to two months in county pound for having ‘Hitler mustache’ DAVE WEASEL SCOTLAND – A small, gross dog has been convicted by the higher canine courts for sporting a mustache resembling Hitler’s. “He can’t help it, that’s just the way his fur grows!” the dog’s lawyer pleaded. The case was not helped by footage posted on social media of the dog walking through broken glass […] The post Dog sentenced to two months in county pound for having ‘Hitler mustache’ appeared first on The Valley Report. Full Story
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PR Disaster: United Airlines Has Apologized To A Passenger After The Bomb In His Suitcase Was Destroyed Mid-Flight

PR Disaster: United Airlines Has Apologized To A Passenger After The Bomb In His Suitcase Was Destroyed Mid-Flight United Airlines has been no stranger to PR disasters in recent years, but unfortunately, this devastating new development takes the cake: The beleaguered air carrier has apologized to a passenger after the bomb in his suitcase was destroyed mid-flight.Read more... Full Story
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PR Disaster: United Airlines Has Apologized To A Passenger After The Bomb In His Suitcase Was Destroyed Mid-Flight

PR Disaster: United Airlines Has Apologized To A Passenger After The Bomb In His Suitcase Was Destroyed Mid-Flight United Airlines has been no stranger to PR disasters in recent years, but unfortunately, this devastating new development takes the cake: The beleaguered air carrier has apologized to a passenger after the bomb in his suitcase was destroyed mid-flight.Read more... Full Story
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‘Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Full of Cash’ picked as Global War On Terror Memorial

‘Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Full of Cash’ picked as Global War On Terror Memorial WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Park Service has announced the selection of a design called The Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Of Cash as a memorial to honor veterans who served in the Global War on Terror, sources confirmed today. “Our veterans deserve a memorial that accurately captures the spirit of their war,” said Park Service spokesman […] Full Story
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‘Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Full of Cash’ picked as Global War On Terror Memorial

‘Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Full of Cash’ picked as Global War On Terror Memorial WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Park Service has announced the selection of a design called The Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Of Cash as a memorial to honor veterans who served in the Global War on Terror, sources confirmed today. “Our veterans deserve a memorial that accurately captures the spirit of their war,” said Park Service spokesman […] Full Story
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Report: Unlicensed Private in driver’s seat ‘pretty sure’ he’s got this

Report: Unlicensed Private in driver’s seat ‘pretty sure’ he’s got this CAMP MCCRADY, S.C. — An Army Reservist on his first annual training told fellow soldiers he’s “pretty sure” this will be easy, after he was ordered to move an unfamiliar vehicle from one side of the training area to another, sources confirmed today. “Dude, it’s just like my truck at home,” said Pvt. Steven All, […] Full Story
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Report: Unlicensed Private in driver’s seat ‘pretty sure’ he’s got this

Report: Unlicensed Private in driver’s seat ‘pretty sure’ he’s got this CAMP MCCRADY, S.C. — An Army Reservist on his first annual training told fellow soldiers he’s “pretty sure” this will be easy, after he was ordered to move an unfamiliar vehicle from one side of the training area to another, sources confirmed today. “Dude, it’s just like my truck at home,” said Pvt. Steven All, […] Full Story
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Afghanistan starts asking awkward questions about where small wars come from

Afghanistan starts asking awkward questions about where small wars come from KABUL — The United States just stared ahead with a blank look on its face after the Afghanistan War began asking questions about where small wars actually come from, sources confirmed today. Revealing that friends told it that big wars like the one against the Taliban were brought to this world by an unmanned aerial […] Full Story
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Afghanistan starts asking awkward questions about where small wars come from

Afghanistan starts asking awkward questions about where small wars come from KABUL — The United States just stared ahead with a blank look on its face after the Afghanistan War began asking questions about where small wars actually come from, sources confirmed today. Revealing that friends told it that big wars like the one against the Taliban were brought to this world by an unmanned aerial […] Full Story
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Private comes out of the box at NTC with necklace of Donovian ears

Private comes out of the box at NTC with necklace of Donovian ears FORT IRWIN, Calif. — Pfc. Amanda Richards surprised peers and superiors alike when she emerged from six weeks “in the box” at the National Training Center with an eerie hollowness in her eyes and a necklace of Donovian ears, sources confirmed today. “Here at the National Training Center, we provide America’s soldiers with the highest […] Full Story
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Private comes out of the box at NTC with necklace of Donovian ears

Private comes out of the box at NTC with necklace of Donovian ears FORT IRWIN, Calif. — Pfc. Amanda Richards surprised peers and superiors alike when she emerged from six weeks “in the box” at the National Training Center with an eerie hollowness in her eyes and a necklace of Donovian ears, sources confirmed today. “Here at the National Training Center, we provide America’s soldiers with the highest […] Full Story
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Veterans group calls on VA to provide ‘thank you for your service’ dogs

Veterans group calls on VA to provide ‘thank you for your service’ dogs ARLINGTON, Va. — A new veterans’ advocacy group is calling on the Department of Veterans Affairs to fund ‘thank you for your service’ dogs for veterans with social adjustment difficulties, sources confirmed today. People for the Ethical Treatment of America’s Slighted Service-members is on a mission to help veterans who have had trouble adjusting to […] Full Story
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Veterans group calls on VA to provide ‘thank you for your service’ dogs

Veterans group calls on VA to provide ‘thank you for your service’ dogs ARLINGTON, Va. — A new veterans’ advocacy group is calling on the Department of Veterans Affairs to fund ‘thank you for your service’ dogs for veterans with social adjustment difficulties, sources confirmed today. People for the Ethical Treatment of America’s Slighted Service-members is on a mission to help veterans who have had trouble adjusting to […] Full Story
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National Guardsman refuses to guard nation

National Guardsman refuses to guard nation SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A team leader in California’s 49th Military Police Brigade has publicly decried the Trump administration’s plan to send National Guard troops to curb border crossings and says he would refuse to guard the nation, sources confirmed today. “When I joined the National Guard I didn’t raise my hand and swear to guard […] Full Story
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National Guardsman refuses to guard nation

National Guardsman refuses to guard nation SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A team leader in California’s 49th Military Police Brigade has publicly decried the Trump administration’s plan to send National Guard troops to curb border crossings and says he would refuse to guard the nation, sources confirmed today. “When I joined the National Guard I didn’t raise my hand and swear to guard […] Full Story
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Army Specialist earns recognition at company demotion ceremony

Army Specialist earns recognition at company demotion ceremony The following is a transcript of a recent company demotion ceremony that took place at Fort Hood, Texas. ADJUTANT: Attention to Orders! The Battalion Commander has expressed disappointment in the lack of standards and the unsatisfactory behavior of JAMES WINDERS. In view of these deficiencies and having received non-judicial punishment under Article 15, UCMJ, he […] Full Story
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Army Specialist earns recognition at company demotion ceremony

Army Specialist earns recognition at company demotion ceremony The following is a transcript of a recent company demotion ceremony that took place at Fort Hood, Texas. ADJUTANT: Attention to Orders! The Battalion Commander has expressed disappointment in the lack of standards and the unsatisfactory behavior of JAMES WINDERS. In view of these deficiencies and having received non-judicial punishment under Article 15, UCMJ, he […] Full Story
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John Bolton wakes from terrifying nightmare of world at peace

John Bolton wakes from terrifying nightmare of world at peace BETHESDA, Md. — After lurching awake in a sweating, panicky daze, new White House National Security Advisor John Bolton was reportedly relieved that the image of a harmonious world at peace was only a terrifying nightmare, sources confirmed today. “GAA! Oh my God, I just saw people living without the anxiety of total war and […] Full Story
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John Bolton wakes from terrifying nightmare of world at peace

John Bolton wakes from terrifying nightmare of world at peace BETHESDA, Md. — After lurching awake in a sweating, panicky daze, new White House National Security Advisor John Bolton was reportedly relieved that the image of a harmonious world at peace was only a terrifying nightmare, sources confirmed today. “GAA! Oh my God, I just saw people living without the anxiety of total war and […] Full Story
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Army North commander who once failed a land navigation course reports for duty at Army South

Army North commander who once failed a land navigation course reports for duty at Army South FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — U.S. Army North commander Lt. Gen. Jeffrey S. Buchanan, who failed a land navigation course as a lieutenant, mistakenly reported for duty today at U.S. Army South, sources confirmed. His confusion may have occurred because U.S. Army North (ARNORTH) is located on the same installation — Fort Sam Houston — […] Full Story
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Army North commander who once failed a land navigation course reports for duty at Army South

Army North commander who once failed a land navigation course reports for duty at Army South FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — U.S. Army North commander Lt. Gen. Jeffrey S. Buchanan, who failed a land navigation course as a lieutenant, mistakenly reported for duty today at U.S. Army South, sources confirmed. His confusion may have occurred because U.S. Army North (ARNORTH) is located on the same installation — Fort Sam Houston — […] Full Story
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Point/Counterpoint: Noise discipline must never be compromised vs. A fart is always funny and should be celebrated

Point/Counterpoint: Noise discipline must never be compromised vs. A fart is always funny and should be celebrated The following is a point/counterpoint article discussing the importance of keeping quiet on a field op at all costs, while also questioning where farts fit in to the picture. The point will be argued by your company’s resident career staff sergeant, and the counterpoint by a standard issue lance corporal expected to adhere. Point: Alright, […] Full Story
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Point/Counterpoint: Noise discipline must never be compromised vs. A fart is always funny and should be celebrated

Point/Counterpoint: Noise discipline must never be compromised vs. A fart is always funny and should be celebrated The following is a point/counterpoint article discussing the importance of keeping quiet on a field op at all costs, while also questioning where farts fit in to the picture. The point will be argued by your company’s resident career staff sergeant, and the counterpoint by a standard issue lance corporal expected to adhere. Point: Alright, […] Full Story
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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Holden Caulfield gives your weekend safety brief

DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Holden Caulfield gives your weekend safety brief If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where the hookers are, and where to get drunk cheap, and who sells meth the cheapest, and what a bunch of disappointing jerks you all are, and all that Gunny Highway kind of crap. In the first place, […] Full Story
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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Holden Caulfield gives your weekend safety brief

DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Holden Caulfield gives your weekend safety brief If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where the hookers are, and where to get drunk cheap, and who sells meth the cheapest, and what a bunch of disappointing jerks you all are, and all that Gunny Highway kind of crap. In the first place, […] Full Story
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Trump deploys National Guard on US-Mexico border to masturbate, eat MREs

Trump deploys National Guard on US-Mexico border to masturbate, eat MREs US-MEXICO BORDER, Ariz. — President Donald Trump has declared a state of emergency on the U.S. border with Mexico and is deploying thousands of National Guard troops there to masturbate, eat MREs, and play with personal knives, sources confirmed today. The soldiers will also be tasked with playing card games and generating PowerPoint briefing slides […] Full Story
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U.S. Won’t Rule Out Escalating Defense-Sector Profits From Syria Conflict

U.S. Won’t Rule Out Escalating Defense-Sector Profits From Syria Conflict WASHINGTON—As the U.S. military awaited a potential response to its recent series of targeted airstrikes, sources reported Monday that the Trump administration would not rule out escalating defense-sector profits from the conflict in Syria. “If [Syrian president] Bashar al-Assad decides to retaliate, we won’t hesitate…Read more... Full Story
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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Top 10 phrases used by subordinates, and what they really mean

DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Top 10 phrases used by subordinates, and what they really mean The following is a leaked document given to staff non-commissioned officers and officers as a “leaders guide” for effectively understanding the meaning of phrases said by subordinates.  Troops are not very intelligent, but they are cunning. They often present a façade of discipline and instant obedience to orders, but what are they really saying? What […] Full Story
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DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Top 10 phrases used by subordinates, and what they really mean

DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Top 10 phrases used by subordinates, and what they really mean The following is a leaked document given to staff non-commissioned officers and officers as a “leaders guide” for effectively understanding the meaning of phrases said by subordinates.  Troops are not very intelligent, but they are cunning. They often present a façade of discipline and instant obedience to orders, but what are they really saying? What […] Full Story
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SHOCK REPORT: General under investigation for misconduct suspends himself and plans to cooperate

SHOCK REPORT: General under investigation for misconduct suspends himself and plans to cooperate The following is an all-hands letter sent to all members of the base written by the commanding general, in response to the announcement of an investigation into his conduct. OFFICE OF THE COMMANDING GENERAL — It is with a heavy heart that I must suspend myself, effective immediately, pending the outcome of the recently announced […] Full Story
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SHOCK REPORT: General under investigation for misconduct suspends himself and plans to cooperate

SHOCK REPORT: General under investigation for misconduct suspends himself and plans to cooperate The following is an all-hands letter sent to all members of the base written by the commanding general, in response to the announcement of an investigation into his conduct. OFFICE OF THE COMMANDING GENERAL — It is with a heavy heart that I must suspend myself, effective immediately, pending the outcome of the recently announced […] Full Story
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Soldier with Bob Marley poster really just doesn’t need to pee

Soldier with Bob Marley poster really just doesn’t need to pee JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Wash. — What began as a simple drug screening at 5 a.m. has morphed into a battle of wills lasting into the evening, since Spc. Harold Nelson claims he really just doesn’t need to pee, sources confirmed today. “I hate my life,” said Staff Sgt. Maria Taylor, a battalion S-3 NCO serving […] Full Story
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Soldier with Bob Marley poster really just doesn’t need to pee

Soldier with Bob Marley poster really just doesn’t need to pee JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Wash. — What began as a simple drug screening at 5 a.m. has morphed into a battle of wills lasting into the evening, since Spc. Harold Nelson claims he really just doesn’t need to pee, sources confirmed today. “I hate my life,” said Staff Sgt. Maria Taylor, a battalion S-3 NCO serving […] Full Story
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6 Reasons Brandon Gave For Why His Dad Isn’t Around That Are Definitely Bullshit

6 Reasons Brandon Gave For Why His Dad Isn’t Around That Are Definitely Bullshit Brandon’s dad never comes to soccer games or school field trips and clearly doesn’t live with Brandon and his family, but Brandon is always making up totally dumbass excuses as to why. Here are six reasons Brandon gave for why his dad isn’t around that everyone can tell are grade-A bullshit.Read more... Full Story
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6 Reasons Brandon Gave For Why His Dad Isn’t Around That Are Definitely Bullshit

6 Reasons Brandon Gave For Why His Dad Isn’t Around That Are Definitely Bullshit Brandon’s dad never comes to soccer games or school field trips and clearly doesn’t live with Brandon and his family, but Brandon is always making up totally dumbass excuses as to why. Here are six reasons Brandon gave for why his dad isn’t around that everyone can tell are grade-A bullshit.Read more... Full Story
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Comey Suddenly Realizes Entire Book Just A Subconscious Defense Mechanism To Hide His True Feelings

Comey Suddenly Realizes Entire Book Just A Subconscious Defense Mechanism To Hide His True Feelings WASHINGTON—Former FBI Director James Comey was reportedly shocked Monday after suddenly realizing that he wrote his forthcoming memoir, A Higher Loyalty, as a defense mechanism to subconsciously mask his true, romantic feelings for President Donald Trump. “Oh, my God, it just dawned on me, I’m head over heels in love…Read more... Full Story
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Comey Suddenly Realizes Entire Book Just A Subconscious Defense Mechanism To Hide His True Feelings

Comey Suddenly Realizes Entire Book Just A Subconscious Defense Mechanism To Hide His True Feelings WASHINGTON—Former FBI Director James Comey was reportedly shocked Monday after suddenly realizing that he wrote his forthcoming memoir, A Higher Loyalty, as a defense mechanism to subconsciously mask his true, romantic feelings for President Donald Trump. “Oh, my God, it just dawned on me, I’m head over heels in love…Read more... Full Story
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Ex-Boyfriend Hopes To Still Be Terrible, Incompatible Friends

Ex-Boyfriend Hopes To Still Be Terrible, Incompatible Friends DENVER, CO—Insisting the turmoil didn’t need to stop just because the relationship had ended, local man Alex Ware was reportedly hopeful Monday that he and his ex-girlfriend could still be terrible, incompatible friends. “I understand that we’re a bad match romantically, but after everything we’ve been through, I…Read more... Full Story
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Ex-Boyfriend Hopes To Still Be Terrible, Incompatible Friends

Ex-Boyfriend Hopes To Still Be Terrible, Incompatible Friends DENVER, CO—Insisting the turmoil didn’t need to stop just because the relationship had ended, local man Alex Ware was reportedly hopeful Monday that he and his ex-girlfriend could still be terrible, incompatible friends. “I understand that we’re a bad match romantically, but after everything we’ve been through, I…Read more... Full Story
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Report: It Time To Give Up

Report: It Time To Give Up WASHINGTON—Years of research regarding your progress thus far and the projected outcome of your continued efforts have culminated in the finding that it is in fact time for you to give up, experts on you concluded this week. “You made a decent run at it, but you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re ever really…Read more... Full Story
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Report: It Time To Give Up

Report: It Time To Give Up WASHINGTON—Years of research regarding your progress thus far and the projected outcome of your continued efforts have culminated in the finding that it is in fact time for you to give up, experts on you concluded this week. “You made a decent run at it, but you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re ever really…Read more... Full Story
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Cool Glitch Effect On Movie Studio Logo Must Mean Shit About To Go Down

Cool Glitch Effect On Movie Studio Logo Must Mean Shit About To Go Down SALEM, VA—According to moviegoers currently bracing for the next 95 minutes, the cool glitch effect used on the Warner Bros. logo during the film’s intro sequence must mean that some serious shit is about to go down. “Oh, man, here we go. The normal picture got all distorted for a second, and the musical sting was…Read more... Full Story
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Cool Glitch Effect On Movie Studio Logo Must Mean Shit About To Go Down

Cool Glitch Effect On Movie Studio Logo Must Mean Shit About To Go Down SALEM, VA—According to moviegoers currently bracing for the next 95 minutes, the cool glitch effect used on the Warner Bros. logo during the film’s intro sequence must mean that some serious shit is about to go down. “Oh, man, here we go. The normal picture got all distorted for a second, and the musical sting was…Read more... Full Story
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Gaming History Unearthed: Fans Have Located The Desert Mass Grave Where Atari Buried All Of Its Employees Responsible For The ‘E.T.’ Video Game

Gaming History Unearthed: Fans Have Located The Desert Mass Grave Where Atari Buried All Of Its Employees Responsible For The ‘E.T.’ Video Game Looks like some online sleuths have uncovered a bit of gaming history a certain company would rather forget: Fans have located the desert mass grave where Atari buried all the employees responsible for the E.T. video game.Read more... Full Story
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Gaming History Unearthed: Fans Have Located The Desert Mass Grave Where Atari Buried All Of Its Employees Responsible For The ‘E.T.’ Video Game

Gaming History Unearthed: Fans Have Located The Desert Mass Grave Where Atari Buried All Of Its Employees Responsible For The ‘E.T.’ Video Game Looks like some online sleuths have uncovered a bit of gaming history a certain company would rather forget: Fans have located the desert mass grave where Atari buried all the employees responsible for the E.T. video game.Read more... Full Story
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Woman Forced To Do Some Detective Work After Obituary For Dead Classmate Leaves Off Cause Of Death

Woman Forced To Do Some Detective Work After Obituary For Dead Classmate Leaves Off Cause Of Death MOLINE, IL—Mystified by the lack of detail and speculating on the possible reasons for the same, local woman Jennifer Wallach was forced to do some detective work Monday when the obituary for a recently deceased high school classmate omitted the cause of his death. “Why would they just leave out how he died like…Read more... Full Story
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Woman Forced To Do Some Detective Work After Obituary For Dead Classmate Leaves Off Cause Of Death

Woman Forced To Do Some Detective Work After Obituary For Dead Classmate Leaves Off Cause Of Death MOLINE, IL—Mystified by the lack of detail and speculating on the possible reasons for the same, local woman Jennifer Wallach was forced to do some detective work Monday when the obituary for a recently deceased high school classmate omitted the cause of his death. “Why would they just leave out how he died like…Read more... Full Story
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Flower Freaking Out After Realizing There’s A Bee On It

Flower Freaking Out After Realizing There’s A Bee On It CAMILLA, GA—Remaining perfectly motionless despite its mounting terror, Zinnia peruviana FL77542PM4 found itself on the verge of panic Monday after noticing a honeybee had landed on one of its petals. “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck me. Okay, deep breaths. Maybe it just wants to rest for a second and then it’ll fly away,” said…Read more... Full Story
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Flower Freaking Out After Realizing There’s A Bee On It

Flower Freaking Out After Realizing There’s A Bee On It CAMILLA, GA—Remaining perfectly motionless despite its mounting terror, Zinnia peruviana FL77542PM4 found itself on the verge of panic Monday after noticing a honeybee had landed on one of its petals. “Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck me. Okay, deep breaths. Maybe it just wants to rest for a second and then it’ll fly away,” said…Read more... Full Story
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Manager Of Combination Taco Bell/KFC Secretly Considers It Mostly A Taco Bell

Manager Of Combination Taco Bell/KFC Secretly Considers It Mostly A Taco Bell MINNEAPOLIS—Despite making an effort to acknowledge that both institutions bring something special to the table, combination Taco Bell/KFC manager Frank Moroni, 38, told reporters yesterday that he considers his franchise to be mostly a Taco Bell. “Listen, I would never discuss this with the customers because I have…Read more... Full Story
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Manager Of Combination Taco Bell/KFC Secretly Considers It Mostly A Taco Bell

Manager Of Combination Taco Bell/KFC Secretly Considers It Mostly A Taco Bell MINNEAPOLIS—Despite making an effort to acknowledge that both institutions bring something special to the table, combination Taco Bell/KFC manager Frank Moroni, 38, told reporters yesterday that he considers his franchise to be mostly a Taco Bell. “Listen, I would never discuss this with the customers because I have…Read more... Full Story
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New ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Book ‘The Fall Of Gondolin’ To Be Released This Year

New ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Book ‘The Fall Of Gondolin’ To Be Released This Year A posthumously published book in J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy series titled The Fall of Gondolin will be published this year. Depicting the elven city of Gondolin—and its sacking by the dark lord Morgoth—the book was assembled by the author’s son from notes and journals in his archives. What do you think?Read more... Full Story
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New ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Book ‘The Fall Of Gondolin’ To Be Released This Year

New ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Book ‘The Fall Of Gondolin’ To Be Released This Year A posthumously published book in J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy series titled The Fall of Gondolin will be published this year. Depicting the elven city of Gondolin—and its sacking by the dark lord Morgoth—the book was assembled by the author’s son from notes and journals in his archives. What do you think?Read more... Full Story
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Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham

Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham Fleetwood Mac has fired Lindsey Buckingham after a disagreement over the band’s upcoming tour, opting to replace the singer of “Go Your Own Way” with Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Neil Finn of Crowded House. What do you think?Read more... Full Story
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Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham

Fleetwood Mac Fires Lindsey Buckingham Fleetwood Mac has fired Lindsey Buckingham after a disagreement over the band’s upcoming tour, opting to replace the singer of “Go Your Own Way” with Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Neil Finn of Crowded House. What do you think?Read more... Full Story
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Astronomers Say Wednesday Night Will Be Best Chance For Americans To View ‘NOVΛ’

Astronomers Say Wednesday Night Will Be Best Chance For Americans To View ‘NOVΛ’ WASHINGTON—Hoping to raise public awareness about a rare deep-space broadcasting phenomenon, the American Astronomical Society published a press release Friday informing citizens that Wednesday night will be their best chance to view NOVΛ on PBS. “Our projections show that stargazers on the east coast will be able to…Read more... Full Story
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Astronomers Say Wednesday Night Will Be Best Chance For Americans To View ‘NOVΛ’

Astronomers Say Wednesday Night Will Be Best Chance For Americans To View ‘NOVΛ’ WASHINGTON—Hoping to raise public awareness about a rare deep-space broadcasting phenomenon, the American Astronomical Society published a press release Friday informing citizens that Wednesday night will be their best chance to view NOVΛ on PBS. “Our projections show that stargazers on the east coast will be able to…Read more... Full Story
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Cambridge Analytica Whistleblower Admits Last Few Weeks At Work Have Been Awkward

Cambridge Analytica Whistleblower Admits Last Few Weeks At Work Have Been Awkward LONDON—Noting that his treatment from colleagues recently ranged from avoiding eye contact by some to the occasional incident of spitting directly into his face by others, Cambridge Analytica whistleblower Christopher Wylie admitted Friday that the last few weeks at work have been unusually awkward. “The vibe has…Read more... Full Story
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Cambridge Analytica Whistleblower Admits Last Few Weeks At Work Have Been Awkward

Cambridge Analytica Whistleblower Admits Last Few Weeks At Work Have Been Awkward LONDON—Noting that his treatment from colleagues recently ranged from avoiding eye contact by some to the occasional incident of spitting directly into his face by others, Cambridge Analytica whistleblower Christopher Wylie admitted Friday that the last few weeks at work have been unusually awkward. “The vibe has…Read more... Full Story
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A Real Shame: Brian Williams Is Being Forced To Resign From MSNBC After Leaked Documents Have Revealed That He’s A Hillbilly

A Real Shame: Brian Williams Is Being Forced To Resign From MSNBC After Leaked Documents Have Revealed That He’s A Hillbilly Brian Williams once boasted a reputation of being the most trusted name in news, but he’s now found himself in the midst of a controversy that has left him utterly disgraced. In a shocking turn of events, the iconic broadcaster is being forced to resign from MSNBC after leaked documents have revealed that he’s a…Read more... Full Story
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‘Holy Shit, The Government Owes Me 50 Million Dollars,’ Reports Man Incorrectly Filling Out His Taxes

‘Holy Shit, The Government Owes Me 50 Million Dollars,’ Reports Man Incorrectly Filling Out His Taxes CINCINNATI—Excited by the prospect of quitting his retail job and moving to his own South Pacific island, 28-year-old Ben Hughes learned Friday that he would be receiving $50 million in returns from the federal government after incorrectly filling out his taxes. “Wait, let me double-check this—yep, 50 million dollars,…Read more... Full Story
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Nation Confused After James Comey Dedicates Entire Memoir To In-Depth Retelling Of Martha Stewart Insider Trading Controversy

Nation Confused After James Comey Dedicates Entire Memoir To In-Depth Retelling Of Martha Stewart Insider Trading Controversy WASHINGTON—Expressing their bewilderment that the former FBI director had chosen to focus on the incident in such detail, the U.S. populace was reportedly confused Friday after learning that James Comey had dedicated the entirety of his upcoming memoir, A Higher Calling, to an in-depth retelling of the Martha Stewart…Read more... Full Story
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Man Filming Childbirth Picks Up Some B-Roll Of Wife’s Vagina While Waiting For Baby To Crown

Man Filming Childbirth Picks Up Some B-Roll Of Wife’s Vagina While Waiting For Baby To Crown BOSTON—Hoping to minimize his downtime on set between contractions, expectant father Dan Hartfield spent a few hours Friday filming B-roll of his wife’s vagina while waiting for the baby to crown. “Perfect, this is looking fantastic. Honey, could you scoot down a smidge so I can get better light?” said Hartfield,…Read more... Full Story
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Down To The Wire: Kendrick Lamar Has A Big Concert On Wednesday And His Rap Tutor Is Out Of Town On Vacation

Down To The Wire: Kendrick Lamar Has A Big Concert On Wednesday And His Rap Tutor Is Out Of Town On Vacation Kendrick Lamar has been crowned by many as one of rap’s most talented stars, but he’s never been pushed to the brink like this before: According to those close to the rapper, Kendrick Lamar has a big concert on Wednesday, and his rap tutor is out of town on vacation.Read more... Full Story
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Woman Spends Entire Date Wondering If This The One She’ll Mace

Woman Spends Entire Date Wondering If This The One She’ll Mace COLUMBUS, OH—Contemplating her romantic future while staring deep into the eyes of her dining companion, area woman Emily Hopkins reportedly spent the duration of her date Friday wondering if this would be the one she’ll mace. “Call me silly, but like any woman on a first date, I can’t help wondering if he might be…Read more... Full Story
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Barry tries (and fails) to take charge of his life

Barry tries (and fails) to take charge of his life For the past three episodes, Barry has tried to run from his past, but, predictably, his past keeps catching up to him. He tried to wiggle his way out of killing Ryan Madison only to end up in a position where he kills a car full of Chechens. He tried to leave the hitman business behind only to be forced to kill Paco,…Read more... Full Story
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Billions kills off a minor character for fun and profit

Billions kills off a minor character for fun and profit A big part of what makes Billions fun is the tension between the show taking its characters seriously and treating them as satirical caricatures of the rich, powerful, and (usually) testosterone-poisoned. Sometimes this is a no-brainer, as with Wags. No one in their right mind is ever going to take him seriously, and…Read more... Full Story
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The Walking Dead’s eighth season ends in big, bloodthirsty war

The Walking Dead's eighth season ends in big, bloodthirsty war Well, it took a very long time to get here, but now we know the cause of Rick’s tears from that flash-forward we saw way back in the season, when our former sheriff was seen sobbing under a tree: It’s because he and the rest of his people are the luckiest dummies ever to walk the face of the earth.Read more... Full Story
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Jason Sudeikis returns to The Last Man On Earth with mixed results

Jason Sudeikis returns to The Last Man On Earth with mixed results When The Last Man On Earth first introduced Tandy’s astronaut brother Mike (Jason Sudeikis) floating up in space, desperately searching for any human life below, it felt like the series had fully embraced the limitless nature of its premise. After all, if Tandy wasn’t the last person on Earth, let alone the last man,…Read more... Full Story
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Carrie finally realizes she’s the worst parent in the world on Homeland

Carrie finally realizes she's the worst parent in the world on Homeland By the end of “Clarity,” a sense of relief has taken root in the homeland. True, the president appears unhinged, is firing people left and right, and is about to precipitate a constitutional crisis, but that hardly raises an eyebrow these days. The important thing is that Carrie Mathison has relinquished custody of…Read more... Full Story
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Ash Vs. Evil Dead drags itself to hell and back

Ash Vs. Evil Dead drags itself to hell and back “Just like old times, huh?” You said it, Ash. After last week’s mildly polarizing “Twist and Shout”—ahem, I was mostly mixed; everyone else adored the damn thing—Ash Vs. Evil Dead bounces back with its most fulfilling chapter of the season. Nearly every character gets a rewindable hero moment, director Mark Beesley…Read more... Full Story
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Killing Eve assembles its sleuthing squad and sets up its chase

Killing Eve assembles its sleuthing squad and sets up its chase Two episodes in, and we’ve already got a clear explanation for why Eve is going to be obsessed with Villanelle for however long this show runs. “She is outsmarting the smartest of us,” says Eve, “and for that she deserves to do or kill whoever the hell she wants.”Read more... Full Story
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The Belchers face horrors both real and imagined on a fear-filled Bob’s Burgers

The Belchers face horrors both real and imagined on a fear-filled Bob's Burgers Fear is a complicated emotion. It can be caused by real threats, anticipation of the horrible, fictional scenarios, or potential of emotional distress. This week Bob’s Burgers skillfully tackled all those aspects of terror from the perspective of not only the Belchers but some much-welcomed guest characters, old and…Read more... Full Story
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Heroes fall, villains rise, and Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. fight robots and each other

Heroes fall, villains rise, and Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. fight robots and each other The title of this episode, “The Honeymoon,” can’t help but feel ironic once you take into account the fact almost everyone ends this hour worse off than they began it. FitzSimmons may have shared a trip back across the pond together—“I’m protecting England from evil robots with the man I love”—but it came at a cost.Read more... Full Story
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Everything falls apart on a bummer episode of Jane The Virgin

Everything falls apart on a bummer episode of Jane The Virgin What does it mean for a TV show to be “grounded”? It’s a word I often use in a positive context, and I think grounded stories tap into relatable human experiences and bring complexity and depth to the emotional lives of characters. Being grounded shouldn’t be every series’ top priority, but shows can always benefit…Read more... Full Story
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Elvis Presley: The Searcher is the definitive movie about The King

Elvis Presley: The Searcher is the definitive movie about The King Elvis Presley probably spent more time in front of a movie camera than any other rock star of his era. He made young rebel melodramas, breezy musical comedies, and concert films—and that’s not even counting his hours and hours of appearances on TV variety shows. Yet there’s never been an Elvis picture quite like HBO’s…Read more... Full Story
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Elvis Presley: The Searcher is the definitive movie about The King

Elvis Presley: The Searcher is the definitive movie about The King Elvis Presley probably spent more time in front of a movie camera than any other rock star of his era. He made young rebel melodramas, breezy musical comedies, and concert films—and that’s not even counting his hours and hours of appearances on TV variety shows. Yet there’s never been an Elvis picture quite like HBO’s…Read more... Full Story
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Wyatt Cenac’s Problem Areas is pointedly funny, and a necessary addition to late-night

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas is pointedly funny, and a necessary addition to late-night By now, we’re far along enough into Trump’s first term that some equilibrium has returned to late-night programming. We’re no longer guaranteed to see multiple (still mostly male) hand-wringing takes on the latest attempt at a constitutional violation—often made during the president’s morning constitutional—as we…Read more... Full Story
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Wyatt Cenac’s Problem Areas is pointedly funny, and a necessary addition to late-night

Wyatt Cenac's Problem Areas is pointedly funny, and a necessary addition to late-night By now, we’re far along enough into Trump’s first term that some equilibrium has returned to late-night programming. We’re no longer guaranteed to see multiple (still mostly male) hand-wringing takes on the latest attempt at a constitutional violation—often made during the president’s morning constitutional—as we…Read more... Full Story
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Lost In Space jettisons its camp, and some of its charm, in its voyage to Netflix

Lost In Space jettisons its camp, and some of its charm, in its voyage to Netflix Amid a miniature boom in science-fiction TV, at a time when one of the medium’s most talked-about series, regardless of genre, is a near-future nightmare that presses its audience’s faces to their handheld screens while whispering “Don’t sit so close—it’ll ruin your soul” into their ears, why revisit Lost In Space?…Read more... Full Story
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Lost In Space jettisons its camp, and some of its charm, in its voyage to Netflix

Lost In Space jettisons its camp, and some of its charm, in its voyage to Netflix Amid a miniature boom in science-fiction TV, at a time when one of the medium’s most talked-about series, regardless of genre, is a near-future nightmare that presses its audience’s faces to their handheld screens while whispering “Don’t sit so close—it’ll ruin your soul” into their ears, why revisit Lost In Space?…Read more... Full Story
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Van has fake people showing fake love to her in a very Atlanta New Year’s Eve

Van has fake people showing fake love to her in a very Atlanta New Year's Eve Van is, now as ever, Atlanta’s most and least accessible character. She’s certainly been the most relatable, in that her daily life looks somewhat similar to that of a regular person. (Which goes a long way when Al and Darius are making backwoods drug deals with Migos.) In season one, Van was a working mother…Read more... Full Story
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Van has fake people showing fake love to her in a very Atlanta New Year’s Eve

Van has fake people showing fake love to her in a very Atlanta New Year's Eve Van is, now as ever, Atlanta’s most and least accessible character. She’s certainly been the most relatable, in that her daily life looks somewhat similar to that of a regular person. (Which goes a long way when Al and Darius are making backwoods drug deals with Migos.) In season one, Van was a working mother…Read more... Full Story
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Arrow confronts Oliver Queen with the ghosts of baggage past 

Arrow confronts Oliver Queen with the ghosts of baggage past  There’s no shortage of things to appreciate about “Fundamentals.” Like last week’s Diggle/Queen showdown, this is an Arrow episode which mercifully slows down and focuses on the characters—here a single character, to be precise—rather than ricocheting through plot developments of varying degrees of effectiveness, as…Read more... Full Story
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Arrow confronts Oliver Queen with the ghosts of baggage past 

Arrow confronts Oliver Queen with the ghosts of baggage past  There’s no shortage of things to appreciate about “Fundamentals.” Like last week’s Diggle/Queen showdown, this is an Arrow episode which mercifully slows down and focuses on the characters—here a single character, to be precise—rather than ricocheting through plot developments of varying degrees of effectiveness, as…Read more... Full Story
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Scandal faces a reckoning as a major secret comes to light

Scandal faces a reckoning as a major secret comes to light Because The A.V. Club knows that TV shows keep going even if we’re not writing at length about them, we’re experimenting with discussion posts. For certain shows, one of our TV writers will publish some brief thoughts about the latest episode, and open the comments for readers to share theirs.Read more... Full Story
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Tina Smith – Do women get only 80 percent of the pay men do for the same job?

Tina Smith - Do women get only 80 percent of the pay men do for the same job? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Do women get only 80 percent of the pay men do for the same job? On April 10 -- Equal Pay Day -- Sen. Tina Smith, D-Minn., tweeted out her support for an end to differential pay for men and women. Her tweet said, "It’s completely unacceptable that, on average, American women only earn 80 cents for every dollar a man earns for doing the same job. And the #paygap is…
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Tina Smith – Do women get only 80 percent of the pay men do for the same job?

Tina Smith - Do women get only 80 percent of the pay men do for the same job? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Do women get only 80 percent of the pay men do for the same job? On April 10 -- Equal Pay Day -- Sen. Tina Smith, D-Minn., tweeted out her support for an end to differential pay for men and women. Her tweet said, "It’s completely unacceptable that, on average, American women only earn 80 cents for every dollar a man earns for doing the same job. And the #paygap is…
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Todd Rokita – Did Luke Messer plot to steal the nomination from Donald Trump in 2016? Not really

Todd Rokita - Did Luke Messer plot to steal the nomination from Donald Trump in 2016? Not really The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Did Luke Messer plot to steal the nomination from Donald Trump in 2016? Not really Three Republican candidates competing for a U.S. Senate seat to represent Indiana are trying to prove they are the closest allies to President Donald Trump, who in 2016 won Indiana by 19 percentage points. The race represents one of the GOP’s best chances to seize a Senate seat from Democrats in the midterm election. The seat…
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Todd Rokita – Did Luke Messer plot to steal the nomination from Donald Trump in 2016? Not really

Todd Rokita - Did Luke Messer plot to steal the nomination from Donald Trump in 2016? Not really The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Did Luke Messer plot to steal the nomination from Donald Trump in 2016? Not really Three Republican candidates competing for a U.S. Senate seat to represent Indiana are trying to prove they are the closest allies to President Donald Trump, who in 2016 won Indiana by 19 percentage points. The race represents one of the GOP’s best chances to seize a Senate seat from Democrats in the midterm election. The seat…
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Donald Trump – Was Scott Pruitt’s apartment rental about market rate?

Donald Trump - Was Scott Pruitt's apartment rental about market rate? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Was Scott Pruitt's apartment rental about market rate? When Environmental Protection Agency administrator Scott Pruitt was getting settled in Washington in 2017, he paid the wife of a gas and oil lobbyist $50 a night for her condominium on Capitol Hill. Pruitt used the space for about six months and only paid when he needed a room. The terms of the lease carried the whiff of a sweetheart deal with an industry that had dealings with the EPA.…
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Donald Trump – Was Scott Pruitt’s apartment rental about market rate?

Donald Trump - Was Scott Pruitt's apartment rental about market rate? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Was Scott Pruitt's apartment rental about market rate? When Environmental Protection Agency administrator Scott Pruitt was getting settled in Washington in 2017, he paid the wife of a gas and oil lobbyist $50 a night for her condominium on Capitol Hill. Pruitt used the space for about six months and only paid when he needed a room. The terms of the lease carried the whiff of a sweetheart deal with an industry that had dealings with the EPA.…
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Donald Trump – Is Scott Pruitt’s security spending somewhat more than predecessor? It’s a lot more

Donald Trump - Is Scott Pruitt's security spending somewhat more than predecessor? It's a lot more The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Is Scott Pruitt's security spending somewhat more than predecessor? It's a lot more President Donald Trump came out in defense of Scott Pruitt, the Environmental Protection Agency administrator under fire for multiple ethics violations, in a tweet April 7. "While Security spending was somewhat more than his predecessor, Scott Pruitt has received death threats because of his bold actions at EPA. Record clean Air & Water while saving USA Billions of Dollars. Rent…
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Donald Trump – Is Scott Pruitt’s security spending somewhat more than predecessor? It’s a lot more

Donald Trump - Is Scott Pruitt's security spending somewhat more than predecessor? It's a lot more The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Is Scott Pruitt's security spending somewhat more than predecessor? It's a lot more President Donald Trump came out in defense of Scott Pruitt, the Environmental Protection Agency administrator under fire for multiple ethics violations, in a tweet April 7. "While Security spending was somewhat more than his predecessor, Scott Pruitt has received death threats because of his bold actions at EPA. Record clean Air & Water while saving USA Billions of Dollars. Rent…
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Donald Trump – Is Donald Trump right that China slaps a 25 percent tariff on American cars?

Donald Trump - Is Donald Trump right that China slaps a 25 percent tariff on American cars? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly True | Is Donald Trump right that China slaps a 25 percent tariff on American cars? President Donald Trump took to Twitter to bemoan what he considers unfair practices in the United States’ automobile trade with China. "When a car is sent to the United States from China, there is a Tariff to be paid of 2 1/2%. When a car is sent to China from the United States, there is a Tariff to…
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Donald Trump – Is Donald Trump right that China slaps a 25 percent tariff on American cars?

Donald Trump - Is Donald Trump right that China slaps a 25 percent tariff on American cars? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly True | Is Donald Trump right that China slaps a 25 percent tariff on American cars? President Donald Trump took to Twitter to bemoan what he considers unfair practices in the United States’ automobile trade with China. "When a car is sent to the United States from China, there is a Tariff to be paid of 2 1/2%. When a car is sent to China from the United States, there is a Tariff to…
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Donald Trump – Can taxpayers expect card-sized tax forms next year, as Donald Trump says?

Donald Trump - Can taxpayers expect card-sized tax forms next year, as Donald Trump says? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Can taxpayers expect card-sized tax forms next year, as Donald Trump says? If you are struggling to finish and file your taxes right now, something President Donald Trump said during a recent visit to West Virginia probably sounds like a godsend. "This will be the last time — April — that you’re going to (fill out) that old-fashioned, big, lots of pages, complicated tax form," Trump said during his April 5 visit. "Because next…
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Donald Trump – Can taxpayers expect card-sized tax forms next year, as Donald Trump says?

Donald Trump - Can taxpayers expect card-sized tax forms next year, as Donald Trump says? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Can taxpayers expect card-sized tax forms next year, as Donald Trump says? If you are struggling to finish and file your taxes right now, something President Donald Trump said during a recent visit to West Virginia probably sounds like a godsend. "This will be the last time — April — that you’re going to (fill out) that old-fashioned, big, lots of pages, complicated tax form," Trump said during his April 5 visit. "Because next…
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Bloggers – Fake news says CNN “pulled the plug” during YouTube shooting coverage

Bloggers - Fake news says CNN "pulled the plug" during YouTube shooting coverage The Truth-o-Meter says: Pants on Fire! | Fake news says CNN "pulled the plug" during YouTube shooting coverage The day after a woman opened fire at the YouTube headquarters in San Bruno, Calif., Facebook users flagged a post on the Daily Vine website with the headline, "Whoa! YouTube witness makes shocking admission on live TV! CNN pulls plug immediately!" The "admission" in the post was an employee at YouTube telling a Fox News affiliate reporter, "I didn’t have a gun on me,…
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Donald Trump – No proof of Trump’s conspiracy theory that millions voted many times

Donald Trump - No proof of Trump's conspiracy theory that millions voted many times The Truth-o-Meter says: Pants on Fire! | No proof of Trump's conspiracy theory that millions voted many times In a speech in West Virginia that was billed as being about tax reform, President Donald Trump continued his refrain about widespread voter fraud by stating that millions of people vote multiple times. "In many places, like California, the same person votes many times," he said. "You probably heard about that. They always like to say 'oh that's a conspiracy theory.' Not a…
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Ron Wyden – Do Republicans in Congress want to take away Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid?

Ron Wyden - Do Republicans in Congress want to take away Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid? The Truth-o-Meter says: False | Do Republicans in Congress want to take away Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid? It’s been a time-tested Democratic attack line: Republicans are going to take away your Medicare, or maybe your Social Security. We gave a variant of the line our 2011 Lie of the Year. Now the talking point has re-emerged, in a March 29 tweet, from Oregon’s Ron Wyden, the top Democrat on the Senate Finance Committee: "#TrumpTax was only the beginning. After giving…
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Ruben Gallego – Arizona Rep: The cost of 2 National Guard border arrests would help a homeless vet for a year

Ruben Gallego - Arizona Rep: The cost of 2 National Guard border arrests would help a homeless vet for a year The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly True | Arizona Rep: The cost of 2 National Guard border arrests would help a homeless vet for a year President Donald Trump’s decision to send National Guard troops to the U.S.-Mexico border has drawn a mixed response. Arizona Gov. Doug Ducey welcomed the move, while California Gov. Jerry Brown’s National Guard said it would "review" the request. Rep. Ruben Gallego, D-Ariz., had a specific complaint: He said it was…
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Alex Mooney – How far has U.S. manufacturing employment fallen?

Alex Mooney - How far has U.S. manufacturing employment fallen? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly True | How far has U.S. manufacturing employment fallen? There’s no question that manufacturing employment in the United States has fallen in recent decades. But did a Republican congressman from West Virginia get it right when he cited a statistic on that point in a recent Wall Street Journal op-ed? U.S. Rep. Alex Mooney wrote March 25 that "from 2000-10, U.S. manufacturing employment shrank by a third after holding steady for 30 years." Mooney was broadly accurate when looking at raw…
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Donald Trump – Donald Trump wrongly claims border wall is under construction

Donald Trump - Donald Trump wrongly claims border wall is under construction The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Donald Trump wrongly claims border wall is under construction President Donald Trump claimed his administration has kicked off one of his landmark campaign promises: the construction of a border wall with Mexico. "We have to have strong borders. We need the wall. We’ve started building the wall, as you know, we have a $1.6 billion toward building the wall and fixing existing wall that’s falling down, it was never appropriate in the first place," Trump said standing…
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Donald Trump – Donald Trump off-base in comparison of U.S., Mexico border laws

Donald Trump - Donald Trump off-base in comparison of U.S., Mexico border laws The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Donald Trump off-base in comparison of U.S., Mexico border laws   President Donald Trump offered an unflattering comparison between immigration laws in the United States and those of its southern neighbor, Mexico, in a series of immigration tweets. "Mexico is making a fortune on NAFTA...They have very strong border laws -- ours are pathetic. With all of the money they make from the U.S., hopefully they will stop people from coming through their country and into…
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Donald Trump – No, the Postal Service isn’t losing a fortune on Amazon

Donald Trump - No, the Postal Service isn't losing a fortune on Amazon The Truth-o-Meter says: False | No, the Postal Service isn't losing a fortune on Amazon President Donald Trump took a swing at Amazon once more on April 2, blaming the digital retailer for the United States Postal Service’s financial woes. "Only fools, or worse, are saying that our money losing Post Office makes money with Amazon," Trump tweeted. "THEY LOSE A FORTUNE, and this will be changed. Also, our fully tax paying retailers are closing stores all over the country...not a level…
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Viral image – Is the United States third in murders and are outlier cities to blame? No.

Viral image - Is the United States third in murders and are outlier cities to blame? No. The Truth-o-Meter says: Pants on Fire! | Is the United States third in murders and are outlier cities to blame? No. A viral meme shared on social media following the Parkland, Fla., shooting claimed the United States has the third-highest count of murders worldwide, a ranking that would drop dramatically if five major cities were excluded. The image has been circulating since at least 2015. We decided to take a closer look. Is the United States third in…
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Donald Trump – Did the U.S. have a $500 billion deficit with China in 2017?

Donald Trump - Did the U.S. have a $500 billion deficit with China in 2017? The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Did the U.S. have a $500 billion deficit with China in 2017? President Donald Trump ratcheted up pressure on Beijing by announcing tariffs on up to $60 billion worth of imported Chinese goods. Trump has long bemoaned the United States’ trade deficit with China, and as a candidate he promised to use import taxes to reorder trade arrangements along what he believes are more reciprocal lines. "Last year we lost $500 billion on trade…
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Joe Manchin – Joe Manchin off-target on small business share of West Virginia’s economy

Joe Manchin - Joe Manchin off-target on small business share of West Virginia's economy The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly False | Joe Manchin off-target on small business share of West Virginia's economy Sen. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va., recently cheerleaded West Virginia small businesses in a tweet from his Senate account. Manchin tweeted, "Did you know #WV has more than 120k small businesses & they make up about 96% of our state's economy? Remember this & #shopsmall #WVSBDC #SBDCday" See Figure 1 on PolitiFact.com We were surprised that small companies comprise 96 percent of West Virginia’s economy, so…
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Doug Jones – Yes, waiting periods on gun purchases have been linked to suicide reduction

Doug Jones - Yes, waiting periods on gun purchases have been linked to suicide reduction The Truth-o-Meter says: Mostly True | Yes, waiting periods on gun purchases have been linked to suicide reduction In his first speech on the Senate floor, Sen. Doug Jones, D-Ala., waded into the nation’s fraught debate over gun violence. Jones, who defeated Roy Moore in Alabama’s December 2017 special Senate election, voiced support for steps to reduce the rate of gun-related deaths in America, including a federal measure to impose mandatory waiting periods on the purchase of firearms. "States that…
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